What Strangers See

Have you ever received a compliment that felt completely unrecognisable?

Someone tells you that you are inspiring, or capable, or exactly the kind of leader they needed — and your first instinct is to look over your shoulder to see who they are actually talking to.

That is imposter syndrome at its most disorienting.

The Mirror Problem

We do not see ourselves the way others see us. This is not a new observation, but it is one worth sitting with.

When you look in the mirror, you see every flaw, every gap, every place where you fall short of who you think you should be. You see the things you do not know, the mistakes you have made, the moments you were not at your best.

The person across the table from you sees none of that. They see what you have built, what you have done, how you show up. They see the output, not the internal monologue.

The Stranger Who Sees Clearly

There is something about a stranger's perspective that cuts through the noise.

A reader I have never met, in a country I have never visited, wrote to tell me that my strength and honesty and personality moved her. She was not being polite. She had no reason to be. She was simply telling me what she saw.

And what she saw was not what I see when I look at myself on a hard day.

This is the gift that honest storytelling can give: it lets someone else hold up a mirror that is not distorted by your own self-doubt.

What You Look Like From the Outside

I want to ask you something.

If someone who admired you — a reader, a colleague, a stranger who had watched you work — wrote you a message today, what do you think they would say?

Not what you would say about yourself. What they would say.

Sit with that for a moment. Because that version of you — the one they see — is also real. Possibly more real than the one you carry around in your head.

Closing the Gap

You will not close the gap between how others see you and how you see yourself overnight. That is not how this works.

But you can start by taking the compliments seriously. By not immediately deflecting or diminishing. By saying thank you and letting it land, even if it feels uncomfortable.

You can start by reading the stories of women who felt exactly what you feel — and came out the other side.

Get the audiobook on Amazon →

Narrated by Sarah Kowalchuck. Available now on Amazon.